A Few of Your Favorite Things

likeEvery single word at dictionary.com has a Facebook “Like” button next to it. I have spent the morning collecting data (ahem), and am happy to bring you this report on the state of the world of the things, courtesy of dictionary.com and Facebook.

Bondage (54 “Likes”) is more popular than yachting (9), but less popular than terrorism (1,500) and badminton (56). (Terrorism & Badminton: The Martha Stewart Story. No?) No one likes macramé these days. A giraffe (96) is more likeable than a polecat (5). 26,000 soppy bastards like love, while 558 emotional deadbeats can only bring themselves to like like. Sex (2,900) is preferred to chocolate (139), which will be troubling news for the monkeys who write the whimsical captions in women’s magazines. God (965) is more beloved than his holy sprog, Jesus (482), but both beat Satan (51) and Santa Claus (15). Cannibalism (58) is preferred to pork (28). Two people enjoy vomiting, which is two more than enjoy lawn tennis. Forty-nine people have some affection for pus, which makes pus more popular than lemonade (31). Twelve sensible people like facts. I will save you the trouble of looking up poop; 654 people endorse it. Whiskers (6) are more likeable than kittens (1); no one gives a toss for raindrops or rosesSpelunking (12) triumphs over a good spanking (8). Colorado (78) is vastly more likeable than Australia (7), but then you knew that already. Twenty-one people like rainbows. (Be nice to those people. They are just barely alive.) The doorknob is enjoyed by five raging perverts. And five people like tapioca, because that is all they serve at the asylum. One person likes polyps. I have sixty-three soul mates who share my vast affection for the word undulate. Two people enjoy having a lovely antipodean fossick. Six people like the saxophone. What is wrong with them? The word exacerbate (337) is oddly popular. The dog (574) beats the cat (516). Cunnilingus (149) beats cheese (86). No one likes towels or containers. Six people like a nice submarine, and I am one of them. One person likes fondling—presumably the same person who likes socks. Thirty-two really boring people took the time to express their love for the bicycle. WE KNOW. SHUT UP ABOUT THE BICYCLES. And eight utterly insane people enjoy asparagus; I want to punch each and every one of them in the face.