Today’s the first day of our Grand Opening extravaganza (you might have heard about it?), which means you’re almost certainly going to be stopping by Malvern at 6.30pm for nibbles and drinks and readings, right? Excellent. Now, we also recommend you allow yourself a little extra time for loitering near the cash register, because… sidelines! We got ’em!

Sideline items (hark at our bookstore lingo!) are those tempting little doodads that lurk near the checkout, calling out to you, “Purchase me! On impulse! I’m cute!” And we have some very cute, very impulse-purchase-worthy sidelines at Malvern…

First up, we have greeting cards. But not lame greeting cards that say soppy things like, “Our love is like a rainbow of angel wings fluttering against a darkening sky” (barf). Our cards have food puns! Yes, that’s right, the two best things ever—FOOD and PUNS—in one sealable envelope.

We also have bookmarks, because we think dog-earring books is a crime. Our bookmarks are made from genuine foreign postage stamps, because books are like stamps for the soul, transporting you to unfamiliar places. Ha! Not really! They just look cool, and they’re selling like hot cakes. (What a strange expression. I’ve never bought a hot cake, and I bet you haven’t either. Let’s say, “selling like a delicious novelty donut-croissant hybrid.”)

Next up, we have two Malverny options: mugs and t-shirts. We suggest you buy both, because much like shampoo and conditioner, they are designed to be used in conjunction for maximum Malvern effect. And if you spill stuff from your Malvern mug onto your Malvern t-shirt (which we know you will), it won’t leave a stain because MAGIC. Some of the t-shirts sport a WE DON’T SELL CRAP slogan (very true), while others say A DIFFERENT KIND OF ADULT BOOKSTORE (for those of you unfamiliar with Malvern lore, the former occupant of our esteemed location sold knick-knacks of a decidedly… saucy nature).

And last but not least, we have our Leuchtturm1917 journals. They’re beautiful. You might be thinking they look just like a certain popular brand of nifty notebooks, but trust me, they’re much nicer: better quality and much more colorful. And here’s another cool thing about the lovely Leuchtturms: they’re ethically made. You see, although it might seem like we’re all pirate jokes and giddy nonsense here at Malvern, we’re actually rather serious about what we sell, and we want all our sidelines to be either locally made or fair trade, and environmentally sound. So we sent an email to a Leuchtturm representative asking for clarification on how the journals are manufactured, and were thrilled with the (prompt and lengthy) reply… to summarise, Leuchtturms are stitched together by a third-generation family-owned bindery and the company itself has been run by the same family for four generations (i.e. since 1917, hence the name). Good news for those of us who like to write our poetry in classy, kindly-crafted journals.

So, lots of lovely, lovingly made stuff to choose from at Malvern. Come for the free pizza (thanks, Conans!), and stay for the sidelines! See you tonight, my dears.